It’s the opposite of lust around here and it feels a lot like real love with a splash of intermittent fear. The fear comes from worrying about the lack of desire both from myself and my husband.
We laid in bed last night and kissed. I rubbed his back and chest and we laughed about him being a “fat cat” despite his slender build. Like the cartoon Garfield, my husband was completely satisfied and ready for a nap! After a few moments, though, I could tell he felt the silent pressure.
“Stella, if you want to do something more, you’re going to have to do a little more yourself!” My husband peered at me through two tired ass eyes. He was half asleep already, which is not generally the type of guy I try to seduce.
And a part of me wanted to curl up in the warmth of my bed and read a little before lights out. It’s a been a weird week of sex. We let go of the 365 challenge check list and his masturbation denial and viola! Here we are in a perpetuating cycle of disinterest.
“How many time have you masturbated recently?” I asked thumbing through the hair on his chest. His eyes were shut completely.
“Oh, not many times at all,” was his reply.
“How many? Once? Twice? Three times?” I pried harder.
“Ok, maybe two or three times.” He opened his eyes long enough to glimpse at my reaction before shutting them again.
“I see! Perhaps you’ll recall that the reason we set up our 2019 challenge with you not masturbating is just this reason right here! You’re less motivated at the end of the day to make love,” I went on.
It’s funny, you know, to have that conversation with your generally nymphomaniac spouse. You’d think I was dripping with horny or something, when the truth was, I wasn’t interested in sex either! I was more interesting in worrying about sex. There are so many factors that could cause such a situation, a sex stand off if you will. Perhaps his lack of desire stems from my lack of orgasms?
Yesterday was day 13 of no sex in 2019. I’m laughing at myself for keeping up. That also means we’ve had sex on roughly 68 days, some of which were double or triple sessions in one day! My rational side would say we’re doing quite well, better than most married couples, but my irrational side thinks there’s a problem.
What am I so concerned about? Desire ebbs and flows with the moon, the stars, and the sea. This week hasn’t been our most sexual, but there’s so much love between us, it’s crazy!
He cuddled up next to me this morning chanting his usual praise. “I love you, my queen. You are the most beautiful woman. I love your body. This is perfect, just perfect to me. I’m so lucky to have you as my wife. Your body is so sexy!”
I could feel his dick. It was hard and pushed up against my body, but he wasn’t pushing the issue. He genuinely wanted to love me and hold me and be with me. Isn’t this what every woman wants? Doesn’t it feel amazing? Yes, and Yes. If only I could get my mind to feel grateful for it all, all of the time, that would be the greatest of all blessings.